San Antonio is wonderful.

Do you like to eat? Drink? Watch people?

Do you like to do all of these things while relaxing on the lushly-landscaped banks of a narrow canal filled with dark jade-green hued water?

If so, you must come here. Plus, the locals are warm and friendly. The Riverwalk is charming and gorgeous, like an American Venice, only without the stank.

I have been so relaxed and happy for the past few days. This is the first time in a while I've felt like I was truly on vacation and not rushing around like a nut, although we did do quite a bit of sightseeing.

Sigh. I fly home tomorrow afternoon and I'm soooooo sad to be leaving.

Plenty of pictures to follow, once I'm settled at home again.

Labels: opinions, travel

San Antonio rocks. And I never want to come home.

Labels: opinions, travel

No, not the peanut butter!

I am not at all a religious person, but I do feel strongly about the Golden Rule--treating others kindly, even when they are not so nice to me.

Besides that, I’m pretty laid-back and I don’t usually let other people’s attitudes bother me too much. Life’s just too short for drama.

But.

About seven weeks ago, my company hired a middle-aged guy who I will henceforth refer to as Skippy. I actually do refer to him as Skippy when talking about him with my other coworkers.

Skippy is educated—he’s got a business degree and a law degree—and appears to be likeable enough. He was hired to do some forensic accounting here, and other odd jobs. One other thing: turns out that he’s the nephew of one of our clients. ‘Nuff said, right?

At work, I attempt to be amiable and charming and helpful, especially with recently-hired coworkers, since it’s never fun being the new guy. But after only four or so days of working closely with Skippy, it became evident that my congeniality would be tested mightily.

He’s fucking annoying. Seriously, people. He’s not dumb, and he’s not mean. He just annoys the ever-loving shit out of me.

First of all, as we all do here, he has his own private office, waaaaaay on the other side of our suite from my office. Unless he needs to specifically see someone on my end of the office, there’s no real reason for him to even be over here. Yet, from Week One of his tenure here, he began making rounds of the suite.

That, in and of itself, wouldn’t be so bad. Yes, I understand that occasionally you do need to give your eyes a break from your computer monitor and to stretch your legs.

What pisses me off is that he actually stops in the doorway of my office and cranes his neck, as if trying to determine what exactly I’m up to. That’s just plain nosy, and I detest nosiness. And he does it EVERY DAY, multiple times a day.

After about a week of enduring these ad-hoc check-ins, during which I stared, unflinching, at my computer screen, I tersely inquired, “Can I help you?” while he stood in my office doorway.

He shrugged and said in his goofy way, “Just taking a little walk around. You know, you gotta break every once in a while from that desk!”

“I wish I had the time for that,” I replied in an icy tone. The implication, of course, was that I was swamped and that he should take a hike.

But that leads to another reason that he pisses me off…the guy doesn’t know how to take a hint!

No matter how furiously I begin typing when I see him approaching my office as though I am completely engrossed in composing an important email message, no matter how quickly I pick up the receiver of my telephone and conduct a completely one-sided conversation with the dial tone in the hopes that he will leave me the hell alone...HE JUST STANDS THERE. Dumbly.

It makes me look bad! His timing is so impeccable; my boss just happens to catch him lollygagging in or near my office on a regular basis, and I’m afraid she thinks that I’m encouraging this behavior.

Finally, he’s one of those people who think he’s just so cute and funny. And he’s neither. He is constantly impressed with himself. He tries to joke around with me but I just allow myself a tight smile, not wanting to egg him on any further.

The thing that bothers me is how bothered I am by his presence and how UNLIKE me that is. I strongly disliked this guy from nearly Day One, and I usually get along with everyone. There’s just something about him that makes me want to vault over my desk and lunge for his throat whenever he stops by my office. If he were coming to me for genuine work-related issues, I totally wouldn’t have a problem with him. But I’m just way too freaking busy here to socialize. And truthfully, I only socialize with those whom I actually enjoy spending time.

And then I feel a bit guilty, because it’s not like the guy’s a genuine jerk or a child molester or anything. He’s just annoying as hell. I kind of berate myself for not trying harder to be nice to him. Although I actually tried that approach early on and learned that it doesn’t satisfy his need for attention (or whatever it is he’s looking for); it simply encourages him to continue being obnoxious and to seek more attention. Frankly, whenever I try to be nice to him, a little part of me dies inside.

The only thing that makes me feel a little better about all of this is that I am not the only one here who cannot tolerate him. If I were the only one who felt this way, then I could admit that the problem was likely within me and really had nothing to do with him personally. One of those “point your finger and three fingers point back at you” deals. But pretty much everyone here thinks he’s overbearing and aggravating. I almost pity him.

So for now, I just try to ignore him and keep our interactions to a minimum. I’m sure he thinks I’m a total bitch, but I can live with that. Small price to pay for my sanity.

Labels: bitching, opinions, sheer idiocy, sheer insanity, work

Happy 44th Birthday, Keanu Reeves!



You are the only man in his forties that I find absolutely DELICIOUS.

Labels: celebrities, opinions, pretty

Or something like that.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending the annual PA Renaissance Faire. It was like nothing I've ever seen before in my life. Quite overwhelming and, well, bizarre.

I went with my parents, and at one point during the car ride to the fairgrounds, I mentioned that I'd heard that the people who participate in and attend these types of affairs are a subculture unto themselves. I can tell you with absolute certainty now that it is 100% true. These people take this shit REALLY seriously, speaking Elizabethan English in faux British accents while garbed in apparently authentic apparel. Kind of like this guy:



When I feel inclined to download the pictures I took from it, I'll be sure to post a few here. The highlight of the afternoon was bonding with my dad while throwing knives at a target as my mother stood far, far out of harm's way.

Good tymes.

Labels: family, funny stuff, opinions, sheer insanity

If you visited this blog anytime within the last twelve hours or so, you'll now notice that I pulled my last entry.

This is not because I am trying to censor myself and/or my thoughts. It's simply to protect the innocent from any lasting professional repercussions.

I can see from my sitemeter that my earlier post drew quite a bit of attention from the wrong people and/or organizations, and I have no desire to get anyone in trouble.

Thanks for reading.

Labels: bad news, opinions, technology, work

After receiving an onslaught of sub-par resumes and cover letters for our administrative assistant job opening, I now know exactly how the judges of American Idol must feel during auditions. Today, I’m feeling a little more Simon Cowell-ish than I am den-mother Paula. These resumes have been absolutely dreadful.

I am a complete grammar/punctuation snob and I’m not afraid to admit it. Or shout it. Or bellow it from the mountaintops. And I am here to tell you that, sad but true, many people do judge you on your writing abilities, especially if that’s the only impression that is available to them.

Here are my basic suggestions on how to make a good first impression when sending correspondence to apply for a job:

-Use spell-check. This is a given. There’s just no excuse for sending professional correspondence without using it.

-Beyond spell-check, try to remember the difference between “it’s” and “its,” “there” and “their,” etc. If you don’t trust yourself to differentiate between these and similar homonyms, maybe you should ask someone who has more than a third-grade education to review your correspondence for you prior to sending it.

-Punctuation! I received an email this morning with a cover letter that read:

Hi My name is Illiterate Schmuck and I am interested in this position I am sending you my resume the best way to reach me is by cell phone 610-xxx-xxxx

Keep in mind that we posted an ad for an administrative assistant, and one of the main functions of the job is to send correspondence to our existing and prospective clients. Why would we want to entrust that task to someone who seems to have no idea when to use the most basic punctuation mark?!?!

-Lastly, what exactly does your email address tell the world about you? If it’s something like Hotmonkeylove69, thuglife4eva, or KKKnUSA, perhaps you should take a moment to create another free email account through Gmail, Yahoo! or Hotmail that is a little less...errr, loaded.

Speaking from personal experience, when I receive a resume from an email address of Windowlicker22470, it goes straight into my Trash folder. Don’t let this happen to your C.V. Instead, create a secondary email account that simply contains some combination of your initials and numbers, which you can use exclusively for professional correspondence.

How to improve your writing if you feel it’s lacking? Very simple!

1. Go to your local public library.
2. Find these two books: The Elements of Style by Strunk and White, and Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynn Truss.
3. Absorb the information from these books and start applying it to your daily correspondence.

You’re welcome!

Labels: bitching, books, education, opinions, sheer idiocy, technology, work

Do you take a daily multivitamin?

I used to take one every morning when I was a little kid (at my mother's behest), but I'd long since stopped until a few months ago.

I'm not sure if it's simply the placebo effect, but I've noticed that I've been feeling better in general since I've started taking them. My hair also seems to grow faster now.

What do you think? Do they work?

Labels: health, opinions

I flove Richard Marx.

I'm serious. I think his songs were catchy and he had great vocals.

I guess I also have a soft spot for him because my hairstyle in the latter part of the 1980s bore a frightening resemblance to his.

Do you think I should seek professional help?

Enjoy these videos, shot during the peak of 1980s bad hair and fashion.





And Happy Independence Day!!!

Labels: funny stuff, holidays, music, nostalgia, opinions, The 80s

I hate the Philadelphia airport.

Whatever happened to the glamour and romance of air travel in Philadelphia? It seems like every other airport I’ve been in (including Newark!) is a cleaner, more efficient place. Our airport reminds me of a third-world Greyhound bus terminal. The facilities are always crowded and filthy, the dining options are less than appetizing, and the employees are surly and incompetent.

Let me give you my latest example of the Philadelphia TSA employees’ incompetence. We arrived at PHL on Thursday morning to fly to Fort Myers. The security lines weren’t actually too long, which pleasantly surprised me. As we approached the x-ray machine, I removed my shoes, sunglasses, and hoodie, took my laptop out of my backpack, and placed everything in the gray bins to be scanned.

As soon as I stepped through the metal detector (which I passed though with no problem), one of the TSA employees who obviously suffered from a Napoleon complex asked me to step away from the line.

I glanced over at The Huz and rolled my eyes.

Little Napoleon said he needed to “test” my shoes.

I shrugged. Testing for what, I have no idea. Anthrax? Gunpowder? Who knows?

Then he asked me if there were any sharp objects in my purse.

“No,” I replied. “Go ahead and look.”

He started rifling through my purse and, seconds later, confiscated my Chapstick (which is a solid, not a liquid).

I wanted to ask what the problem was with having Chapstick in my purse, but I knew that if I opened my mouth, my problem with authority would’ve become immediately evident and things would’ve gone south from there. So I remained silent.

Then he took my $20 freaking MAC Viva Glam V Lipglass from me! I have gone through countless security lines in airports across the country, including PHL, and never once have gotten any problems with lipgloss!

This is just how my luck works, people. My most expensive (and favorite) lipgloss gets taken from me. But it gets better.

Little Napoleon gave me the option of returning to the end of the line and going through security again, this time putting the Chapstick and lipgloss in a clear ziplock baggie for scanning. I looked back at the line, which had grown exponentially longer than before, and I declined.

Fuming, I put my shoes back on, shoved my laptop into my backpack, put my hoodie back on, and headed with The Huz for our gate.

We stopped in the restrooms on the way to the gate, and it was then that I realized that Little Napoleon and his idiotic TSA cohorts had failed to identify and confiscate an enormous box of matches in the front pouch of my backpack. Obviously I couldn’t be trusted with expensive cosmetics, but a potential source of fire? No problem!

Dipshits.

Labels: bitching, Illadelph, opinions, sheer idiocy, travel

Perhaps my imagination is running wild, especially after doing all that recent reading about the haunted graveyards of the South.

Just for the hell of it, about fifteen minutes ago I started scrolling slowly through my pictures of the First Unitarian churchyard in Charleston again...the unedited, raw footage. I took about sixty pictures there. I got to the twenty-second or so photo and blew it up on my screen, and I SWEAR....I see a man's face in it.

I'm SO not joking.

After staring at this picture for about ten minutes now, I'm still trying to decide if my eyes are just playing tricks on me. But I can clearly make out a man's face in this picture. It's disembodied, which is the strange part...that is, if you don't consider the fact that there's an image of a person who wasn't actually THERE in my picture to begin with strange.

Anyway, I can clearly make out an almost full frontal view of his face. I see his hair and high forehead, his eyes, his right ear, a mustache and possibly a beard, and the fact that he appears to be smiling. But he's not looking at my camera.

I am one of the most cynical people you will ever meet...Cayman, you can vouch for me on that one. However, I seriously believe there is SOMETHING in this picture.

I'm posting the original, unretouched picture here. The only thing that I have changed in this picture is the color; I changed everything except where I see the "face" to black and white. I still don't think it's large enough to see well here, but click on the pic and tell me what you think. Remember, it's a disembodied head/face, and it kind of blends in with the tree trunk in the picture. Yet the facial features are still SO. DAMN. CLEAR. to me.

Am I nuts?

Labels: opinions, pictures, sheer insanity, travel

It’s a damn good thing that I don’t carry a gun while I’m in the car. You guys would wind up hearing or reading about me on the news, mowing down a bunch of incompetent drivers.

I find it very easy to slip into “road-rage” mode. It’s something I have to consciously work at preventing most of the time when I drive, which is a shame, because I love to drive—even when I have no particular destination. I’ve always loved the feeling of freedom I get while zipping down the road with my music blasting in my ears.

But there are SO MANY bad drivers out there with me. Women in huge-ass SUVs and have absolutely no idea to maneuver them--sorry, ladies, but it's true.

People who talk incessantly on their cellphones or Bluetooths while they’re driving.

People who don’t use turn signals (oh, that’s right—I’m clairvoyant!).

Perhaps the most teeth-grindingly irritating people I encounter regularly on the roads are the sheep drivers. That term (coined by me at this very moment!) refers to people who just drive blindly, following everyone else without thinking or questioning, and who lack any sort of common sense.

There were a bunch of them on the road just this morning, in fact. Today, the weather in the Philly area is pretty crappy; we’ve gotten battered for the past twenty-four hours first by snow, then freezing rain, then rain. The temperatures have been low, so all of the precipitation has frozen on the streets. Consequently, most schools in my area were closed for the day. If you were to turn on the TV or radio even for a minute this morning, every local media outlet trumpeted the school closings.

But the flashing yellow school-zone lights outside the schools were running anyway, since they are on a timer during the morning rush-hour.

For my non-American readers, those flashing lights mean that drivers must slow their speed to 15 mph in a designated area along a road in front of a school. There’s also usually an adult who volunteers as a crossing-guard in the general vicinity, giving all drivers the old stink-eye if they don’t comply with the speed limit. Some of the crossing guards even hold a pad of paper and pen to take down the license plate numbers of those drivers who fail to slow down.

Anyway, the whole school-zone speed limit thing is a totally pointless law in my mind, since most children in the suburbs take buses to school and are dropped off right at the doors of the building. It’s not like there are ever any children frolicking about on the sidewalk next to the road. When I drive past those schools in the morning, I never even lay eyes on a single child! But I digress…that’s another rant of mine for another post.

On my daily commute, I have to (unfortunately) pass through three different school zones. And every single person in front of me this morning, WITHOUT FAIL, slowed down to 15 mph through all three zones, despite the fact that all three schools were clearly closed—no signs of human activity in any of the darkened buildings, not a single vehicle in any of the parking lots. But the yellow lights were a-flashin’, so. They. Must. Obey.

Sheep, I’m telling ya! No common sense or critical thinking skills whatsoever.

Damn, that pisses me off.

Labels: bitching, opinions, Philly burbs, sheer idiocy, winter

Technology continues to amaze me. I don't know why.

Take, for instance, the incredible information you can get from a sitemeter. You can see all kinds of details on your visitors. I'm still tickled when I see people not just across the country, but AROUND THE WORLD, stopping by to check out my site.

I currently use several different kinds of meters: Sitemeter, Statcounter, and OneStatFree. They're all different and useful in their own way, although I think that Sitemeter and Statcounter are best. I can tell from the stats when my regular readers have been here, and in fact have labeled most of the active participants for ease of recognition. Like right now, Teri, I can see that you're here. Hee!

Lately, my curiosity has definitely been piqued. There's someone who's been Googling my name plus the name of this blog and visiting here intermittently over the past month. This visitor has been spending quite a bit of time checking out both this blog and my previous one. I suspect (s)he is in either Delco or Montco, lives near or on the Main Line, uses Comcast as their ISP, and uses Windows XP and Internet Explorer 7.0.

I do have a few ideas of who my mystery reader might be, but it would be waaaay cool if (s)he said hello...or even just shot me a prvivate email.

Labels: opinions, technology

Edited to add: My legal consultant has advised me to remove the name of the firm that is being discussed in the below post. Thanks. -Lori

The one topic of conversation that didn't get much play at our party last night was the large, locally-based financial services company where several of my family members and many of my friends work. Most of them were in attendance at our party last night, and this company usually winds up being a major discussion piece at our get-togethers.

I'm especially surprised no one was talking about the big issue--that is, the fact that this company is allegedly discontinuing their annual bonus. That's been a huge conversation-starter around here for the past six months or so.

I can't imagine what the fallout will be if this really does happen. This is most definitely a big deal; the company's bonus every June is the sole reason so many disgruntled employees work there. And EVERYONE I know who works there (and I know a lot of them!) is disgruntled, especially since their CEO came into power in the late 90s.

For some of the more tenured employees, the bonus equates to 30% of their salaries! It has always been touted by this company's PR machine as one of the primary benefits of working there. Sure, the company's base salaries are quite low compared to other firms in the industry, but the employees benefit from the "total compensation package" that includes the annual bonus, blahblahblah fishcakes.

Many people assume that there will be a mass exodus of employees from the company after the (alleged!!) announcement is made about the discontinuance of the bonus. But my question is this: where exactly will all of these people find other jobs if this does happen? This company is the largest employer in Chester County. I can't imagine what will happen if there is a huge glut of ex-employees from this company floating around the Philadelphia job market looking for new positions.

Based on the stat counters I use to track my visitors to this blog, I know that I have a bunch of readers from this company. What do you guys think? Remember, this blog does give you the option of posting anonymously if you don't want to leave your name!

Ideas? Thoughts?

Labels: family, friends, gossip, local news, money, opinions, work

So we're going up to New York for Christmas, as we do every other year, to visit The Huz's family. His aunt usually hosts a party on Christmas Eve.

The Huz has just informed me that this year, she requested that everyone bring a useless gag gift for some kind of silly Pollyanna. Something that's laying around the house, something that we don't want.

Am I alone in thinking that these types of things are a complete waste?

Or do you believe that one person's trash is truly another person's treasure?

In previous years, she did a real Pollyanna in which each person brought a brand-new gift under $20. I don't know why we're not doing that again this year.

I'm a little irritated now. As a rule, gag gifts annoy me. I think they're tacky.

Labels: bitching, family, holidays, opinions, sheer idiocy